so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
