So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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