Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
