I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
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The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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