Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
