He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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