My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
