Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
NoShamevember. You game?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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