I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
