you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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