Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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