Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
