I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
