He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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