Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
