She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
