We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the day after is always just damage control
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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