Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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