i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
