i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
