wrigley field is MILF paradise
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just found a bag of teeth...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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