I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
