dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize