took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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