If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
