allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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