I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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