Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I party with great urgency now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
