drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
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Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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