I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
