Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize