i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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