I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
