I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
