Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
