Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
