based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
