You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
