Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
