Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
