if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
