My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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