My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
