Your dad touched me again.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
