Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
