I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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