my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
