Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize