theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
