I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
