I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
