I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
