if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
