i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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