I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
