i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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