i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
