So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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