Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
its liver damage thursday
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
