She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
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do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
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Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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