how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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