I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
