did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
